decision
by talesfromthedarkside
Summary: one decision can change your live. Derek finds out how much impact one decision can have. warning I like torturing my characters. deals with heavy topics.
1. Chapter 1

Prologue

I don't know why I didn't go with her. It was just a trip to the mall. Nothing big, just looking for a birthday present. If I would have gone with her it would have been fun. When she is around time always flies by. I didn't care because every time there was the promise of tomorrow. Every time we said goodbye I knew that I would see her again. I didn't treasure my time with her because it was just normal. I think I'll never know why I didn't go with her. Maybe it was jealousy, maybe I was having a bad day, maybe it was just fate trying to screw me over. I don't know. What I do know is that I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life.


	2. Chapter 2

**a/n: **_I'm not really sure about this chapter this is my first fanfiction so please help me with reviews. Also English isn't my native language so if someone sees a mistake please tell me._

Chapter 1

He always loved watching her get up in the morning. He would stay in bed and watch her walk around the room. Her stance was always less defensive. Her eyes not as guarded as in public. He loved how she would show him that little piece of her. The little piece he knows he is the only one she shows it to. She trusts him. And it makes her even more beautiful than her normal self. Sometimes he wondered about the past that made her so slow on trust. The past that planted so much doubt into her being, cost her so much and gave her so much pain. He often wished he could just erase her past make her start fresh. Maybe other people would see the real Meredith instead of the everlasting shell. His wondering ends there at least most of the time. Because if he dares to think about a life where she is different he feels like it wouldn't be right. He wants this Meredith with her dark past and twisted brains. If only she hadn't suffered to become this person.

Derek awoke at the sound of the alarm clock. Like almost every morning he watched Meredith get ready before he pulls himself out of the bed. He loves thinking about her first thing in the morning while catching a glimpse of the real Meredith, and it isn't a bad sight either. After years he still loves every part of her body. After a shower they eat breakfast together and go of to work. They have their own routine and Derek loves it. It gives him a home. Even at work they are great together. They are a team.

"Hand me that needle"

"Oh wait a little to the left"

"Ok someone can take over now"

Another successful surgery. That means that Derek's shift was now over. He decided to look for Meredith because he knew that she had a challenging surgery and wanted to know that she was doing all right. He took a seat at the gallery overlooking the or. Like she knew the exact moment he entered she looked up and smiled at him. Derek watched her for awhile and see how elegant she is even in an or. He couldn't wait to get home and have her all for herself. Especially when tomorrow is their day of. It is rare that their free days are at the same time. When she was ready to scrub out he walked down to meet her. After they both were ready they left for their home. Together. Happy. And that is how they supposed to be.

The next day was their day of and they enjoyed it. At least until noon when Meredith remembered they still had to buy a present for marks birthday. At the mention of mark's name Derek still felt uncomfortable. He still hadn't forgiven him for sleeping with Addison. They lay on the bed and Meredith was trying to get out to put on some clothes. Derek held her down and tried to keep her in the bed.

"Come on Derek we need to get something."

"Why I don't like the guy and I much rather spend the day in bed."

"Well I'm going so you'll have to spend the day alone in bed."

"Fine, go. But please be quick. I don't want to get lonely."

He watched her walk out of the door and let himself fall back in the bed. He stayed there for about half an hour before he decided to make a surprise dinner for her. He started to collect the stuff he needed. He wondered how long she would take. Half way through the cooking he began to wonder why she wasn't here yet. He picked up the phone to call her. She didn't pick up so he left a message saying he would be really mad if she didn't get her beautiful ass back home.

She still wasn't home and the mall closed down an hour ago. Derek began to worry. He tried calling her several times but she never picked up. He called their friends and coworkers but nobody had heard from her all day. He grabbed the keys from the kitchen table and drove to the mall.

Her car was still in the parking lot when he got there. He ran over to see if she was in the car but when he was almost there he fell. He looked to see what caused the fall. And there was her cellphone. Next to a small pool of blood. Dread took over Derek's body . His mind filled with everything that could have happened to her.


	3. Chapter 3

_So here is the next chapter it is a bit heavy._

Chapter 2

She woke up in a dark room with no idea how she got there. She tried to remember but she had a major headache. When she tried to move she discovered that her hands were tied with rope. Meredith started to panic. She struggled and tried to free her hand but it only caused her skin to burn. When she heard footsteps she started to scream. She wanted to get out. She wanted to see Derek watch him smile his perfect smile and run his hands through his thick hair. The only way she knew to get home to him was screaming until someone saved her.

When they came into her room she stopped screaming and tried to see who they were. But it was dark and she couldn't even see how many there where. One men stepped closer and Meredith could see him now. That's when she lost hope. Because when she looked at his eyes she saw no mercy, no kindness hell she wasn't even sure he was human. She knew what was going to happen so she fought. She fought until they held her so tight that she couldn't move anymore. That's when she started screaming again. But this time she screamed his name. hoping that somehow he would find her and save her just in time. She screamed for him until he throat was so sore that she couldn't make a sound. Then she just stopped and tried to block everything out. His face too close. His smell that reminded her of dirty alleys. His hands as he inspected every part of her body. But most of all she blocked out the sounds. The sounds of pleasure coming from the man above her. The sounds of the other men, happy, eager, waiting until they got there turn. She tried to block it all out. Instead she thought about what would've happened if she just stayed home with Derek. She tried to think about his face but it didn't work. She didn't hear his familiar voice. She heard hash voices talk about the fire in her. She didn't see his perfect smile. She saw an unknown face filled with pleasure and danger. She didn't feel safe. She felt pain. So much pain that her body gave out. She slipped in peaceful blackness.

Her stomach hurt and she rolled onto her side to vomit. She felt a hand on her back. Quickly she rolled up in a ball trying to protect herself from hands that tried to take everything from her.

"Are you all right?"

The voice was soft and girly. Relaxing a little Meredith turned around to see someone standing next to her. Shocked she looked at the girl who looked like she wasn't older than 18. Meredith was sure that she used to be pretty but her hair was disheveled and dirty, her face was bruised and a bit swollen. As Meredith was looking at the girl she had to turn away to throw up.

"The first time it is the hardest. They want to scare you to make sure that you don't try something funny. They'll probably leave you alone for a while."

Meredith was speechless. How could this girl talk about it like it was normal? Was this her live? At that moment she just wanted to take care of her. Meredith never thought she was the motherly type especially with how fucked up her own mother was. But right now she wanted to hold this girl and tell her everything would be all right. She wanted to protect this girl.

"Do you want some water? I think the food will come soon. Do you think you can eat?"

"Some water would be great."

Her voice sounded hoarse and uncertain and she hated it. She wanted to protect this girl but now she looked weak. How could she ever take care of her if she sounded so weak. Meredith gave a tight smile when the girl gave her a glass of water. After that she looked around the room. It was just a box with barely anything in it. She lay on some sort of quilt but is wasn't very comfortable. In one of the corners was a small sink with a bucket next to it. The whole room reeked and her vomit didn't help. She looked back at the girl and asked the only thing that came to mind.

"What is your name?"

"I'm Kate. I'm 19 and I've been here for 4 months. Believe me I'm lucky an learned in time to shut up and do what they say. Most people don't make it past the first month."

Again it surprised Meredith how easy she talked about this situation. How easily she described people dying.

"Well hi Kate I'm Meredith. Just where are we and what the hell is going on."

"Well Meredith you know there are men who are frustrated or angry or maybe there just bastards. Sometimes they want to be in complete control, do everything they want. That's when they come here and get one of us. We do what they say or we don't and end up beaten. It's real simple actually you'll figure it out soon."

"How can you talk like that. Like those guys aren't monsters. Like what they do isn't disgusting. Hell like you don't even are that you live in hell."

"Oh Meredith I sincerely hope for you that you'll be able to talk like that soon. The longer the care the harder you'll fight the faster you'll die. We can turn it of you know. All the girls here who made it past the first month learned it. And the faster you find your switch the better. But you'll see for yourself. I don't know why but I have a feeling that you'll make it. You strong but not dumb enough to ignore my advise. You know life isn't easy and sometimes you just have to roll with the punches."

Meredith thought about it. She didn't think she could do it. Turn everything of. Even right now she felt so much hat she thought she would explode. She was angry at whoever it was that felt he had a right to take her from her life. She knew her life wasn't perfect but with Derek around everything started to work out. And it was her life and she wanted it back so bad. She wanted to wake up in his arms and realize it was all just a dream. And maybe she would tell him about the dream. Allowing him to come a little bit closer. If she woke up she would tell him a little more about herself. The only thing she needed to do was wake up and everything would be normal.

That's when she broke down. She cried and screamed and hoped it was a dream but the pain felt too real. The fear felt too real. So she knew that everything here was too real.

_So this was chapter 2 hope you enjoyed it. I discovered that I'm not good in writing long chapters. So sorry hope it doesn't bother you. Tomorrow I'll go on vacation so I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up. I'll try to write during my vacation but I don't know if there is an internet conection. _


	4. Chapter 4

_Someone told me I should get mental help. He is probably right but as long as I'm in denial here is the next chapter._

Chapter 3

Derek watched the clock. He was supposed to do paperwork but he barely did that anymore. It had been two months since Meredith's disappearance. He missed her so much his body hurt. He couldn't stand anything that reminded him of her. And that was a lot. He never realized how intertwined their lives had gotten. They shared a house, work, colleagues, friends even a house. His favorite spots had turned into their favorite spots. He didn't want to think about her because then he'd become so scared. But at the same time he felt guilty that he tried to forget. He was sure she was somewhere out there. And he felt he had to keep hope. He thought he had to hope but the hope was tearing him down. Everyday he told himself that they would find her. And everyday he was disappointed. And it always felt like a slap in the face. He hadn't had a proper night sleep since she disappeared and it started to show. The other doctors always looked concerned. They wanted to be there for him but he just couldn't open up to them. He had opened up to her and now she wasn't there.

There was a knock on the door and Yang came in. Lately it was rare to see her out of surgery. She didn't take Meredith's absence well. She buried herself in surgeries so she didn't have to think about her. She was the only one Derek could bear to be around. She understood that he didn't want to talk. They just sat together a lot of the time. That was the only time that Derek really remembered Meredith. As he sat with her dark and twisted sister. He remembered how she could be dark but had somehow become the light in his live. He remembered how she could be difficult but she still made life easier for him. And it hurt but sometimes he just welcomed the hurt so he could see here clearly for awhile before he would go back to trying to forget.

Derek let out a sigh he knew he should finish the paperwork and go home. But he hated the thought of going back there after what happened. He hadn't been in the house since he broke down. After the police where done with questioning him he had gotten some time of from work but he couldn't take it. He sat home for three straight days crying. Than he became so angry he had destroyed a part of the living room. After he calmed down he realized what he had done and had left the house to go back to work. He had slept there ever since.

Derek looked up at Yang and knew that they both couldn't take this much longer. The not knowing was so hard. He just hoped that they would find her soon so they could get there life back. After he thought that he couldn't believe how selfish he had become. All he wanted was for his pain to be over while he had no idea what Meredith was going through. Derek thought he was going to go crazy thinking like this so he stood up to find a bed where he could sleep for awhile maybe taking his mind of things. He doubted it because he was sure that the nightmares would be there like every time he closed his eyes. Images of Meredith's lifeless body with her eyes staring into his while e has to watched while her soul leaves he body.

_I know this was really short even for me but I just wanted to do a Derek pov before going back to Meredith I don't know when I'll upload again but I'll try to do it asap_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 4

It had been so long since she last saw Derek she didn't know how long exactly. Meredith lay in her makeshift bed. Soon after coming here she discovered that most of the time the door was open en you could go to a sort of common room. When the girls there discovered that she was a doctor she barely had any rest. Some men tended to get violent and afterward the girls would go to her to patch her up. Also the rooms where they stayed weren't clean. Girls would get sick or get infections. After the first girl died Meredith had felt devastated. Losing patients was always hard but they all knew each other that made it so much worse. The fact that it could happen to anyone there didn't help. Meredith was always afraid of everything around her. But she held on to the fear. It was the only emotion she had left. Soon after coming here they started shutting of. Meredith knew that she would feel much better if she let the fear go to. Yet she held onto it like it was her lifeline. She was afraid that the moment she shut it of the real Meredith would disappear. If that happened that would mean they had won. They would have destroyed everything about her and made her into a toy. A thing that existed to be used. So silently she still fought the men that controlled them.

Meredith looked up as Kate walked into the room. With concern she looked at the younger lady. Meredith hadn't noticed at first but now it was clearly visible, Kate was pregnant. When Meredith asked Kate told her about how she got here.

Four months ago she and her boyfriend had been driving to a party when her car broke down. Her boyfriend started complaining that she drove a crappy car. So she told him that if he had his own car then he could complain. They laughed about it. It was how their relationship worked. When the car couldn't be fixed with their limited knowledge they started to walk to find a place where they could call because of course neither of them thought to bring their cellphones. When they finally found a place that was open they entered happy that they didn't have to walk anymore. But inside everything went wrong. She had caught the attention of the wrong men. One man was very persistence but she kept saying no. after a while the man felt that he was being treated unfairly. He had asked her politely and she kept shooting him down. So he decided that everything he could take would be his'. He took her arm and just started pulling her out of there. When her boyfriend tried to save her he was shot down. He died before he hit the ground. After that Kate was so in shock that she couldn't fight anymore. The morning after when the man was sobered up he found her in his bed and didn't know what to do with her. He thought himself lucky that someone he knew had a place for sexy girls. So she was picked up and kept here ever since. After a while she found out that she was pregnant. Didn't chance anything in the eyes of her "bosses". She kept working and kept shutting everything out. She was afraid. What kind of live could her kid possibly have.

What happened to the body of her boyfriend? Kate never found out. She didn't even know if there where people looking for her. She doubted it. She had no family left and no one would miss her. She didn't seem to care about any of it though. Kate had given up long ago Meredith wondered what she was like before this. Sometimes she thought she saw a glimpse of how she used to be. She saw a kind and caring person beyond the hard mask of indifference. But those glimpse were short and were disappearing altogether. Kate had lost the fight with their captors. She was simply fading.

Meredith watched as Kate tried to get comfortable. The feeling that she had to protect her hadn't gone away. She still felt that it was her duty but with the circumstances she couldn't do anything.

Right at that moment Kate let out a gasp. Meredith immediately alarmed looked up. Kate was holding her big belly and she looked like she was in pain. She started to breathe heavily. Meredith was on her feet in a second and ran to Kate. She knelt down.

"What's wrong?"

"Everything hurts. I think something is wrong. Please help me. You have to help me! Something is wrong with my baby."

Meredith looked at the scared young girl in front of her. Trying to calm her down she started to speak in a calm voice.

"I'm sure everything is ok. But I'll just make sure. Can you please lie down and lift up your shirt so I can examine you."

Meredith automatically slipped into the role of the doctor. She had been trained like that for years so it was hard shake that custom. Kate lay down and Meredith examined her. Soon she found out that the Kate was probably in labor. When she explained this to her she freaked out. She thought she wasn't going to survive this. And she didn't want her kid to be born in this place. She didn't want the last part of her boyfriend be ruined down here. Suddenly she calmed down and looked Meredith in the eye.

"Take care of my baby."

"The baby will be fine. I'll walk you through the labor. We will make it through this. Everywhere in the world women are giving birth to children."

After that Meredith kept talking to Kate. And the birth was smooth and quick. After the baby was born Kate asked Meredith to take care of the baby. Meredith shortly wondered about it but figured she meant that she should help protect the baby. Meredith turned to grab some towels the other girls had brought. And when she had bundled the baby nicely, she turned to Kate to congratulate her with her healthy baby girl. But Kate wasn't moving. Only now Meredith noticed the growing pool of blood between the girls legs. Desperately Meredith tried to find a pulse but to no avail. Kate was gone. And more importantly she had known it would happen the moment she went into labor. And her dying wish was for Meredith to take care of her baby. In shock Meredith realized: she had just become a mother.


End file.
